Tech Leads, Listen Up: Silence Doesn't Equal Agreement

How I was accidentally derailing my meetings and what I did to fix it

As software engineers, we train our brains to optimize. Optimizing isn't bad, but sometimes it can lead to unforeseen outcomes. Another thing most of us can agree on is that we don't enjoy meetings as much. Combining these two, when I first became a TL at Google a long time ago, I began optimizing my meetings. In my mind, I was helping the team get to the point faster - efficient, right? Exactly the opposite.

While I managed to wrap up design meetings much faster, I was inadvertently silencing the rest of the team along the way. This doesn’t just apply to tech leads but to any senior person on the team. Anything they say is often considered set in stone. It all began as an innocent optimization, but the result was a demotivated team. Another common trait I've observed in TLs is their tendency to try and solve problems for others. In today's post, I'll share my personal story of how I overcame the urge to solve everything myself.

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Actively listen, don’t dictate (image from freepik)

📅 Before the Meeting: Prep for Success

Most of the time, team discussions were happening regularly on a scheduled day of the week. I used a generic template for sketching the agenda, but often had specific topics in mind. This led to people hearing some of the topics for the first time during the meeting. Another mistake I made was continuing discussions with a single person without sharing the context. Here’s what I did to fix these:

• 📋 Plan for Inclusion:

I started sharing the detailed agenda beforehand. This took extra work for me, but I added a 30 mins preparation time right before these meetings. Trust me, I don’t regret it. Actively reminding people to come prepared with thoughts and ideas is how I got the engagement high.

• 💡 Seed the Discussion:

As I mentioned earlier, often I’d have some discussions with individuals on complex topics. Then immediately hijack the team forum to dive deeper into brainstorming. This made everybody else go silent. For complex technical discussions, I started establishing context before jumping in. This made everyone feel invited to contribute.

• 📣 Amplify Others' Voices:

On top of that, I started explicitly calling out how important it is to hear everybody. This calling made everyone pay extra attention to discussions we’d have. Setting this ground rule facilitates open discussions.

Motivate before the meeting

🗣️ During the Meeting:  Facilitate, Don't Dominate

In the pursuit of efficiency, I often found myself doing most of the talking. Reflecting on that, I realize I may have come across as dictatorial. The bigger issue was that the team felt I wasn’t receptive to their opinions. While that wasn’t my intention, leaders must actively consider how they’re perceived. The solution was simple: I shifted from dictating to facilitating. Here’s how I made that transition:

• 👂 Active Listening Mode:

As we delve into meeting topics, I began taking a step back, assuming the role of a listener and note-taker. I'll admit, there were plenty of awkward silences. However, I resisted the urge to fill them by expressing my opinions. Instead, I started breaking the silence by posing open-ended questions. It helped elicit diverse perspectives.

• 🧭 Guide the Conversation:

In reality, it is not that simple. Often I found ourselves going off-track. Bringing the conversation back to the agenda is important. But I started gently redirecting the conversation to others by saying things like, "That's a great point, let's hear from someone else".

• ⚖️ Balance the Conversation:

After hearing everyone’s opinions, I’d summarize what we discussed. Also probe conversation based on what I think. This way invited more engagement. But, sometimes you might experience only a few folks contributing in a meeting. Last thing that I found very helpful was to actively balance the conversations. It’s not a 100% solution though. Some will still feel uncomfortable sharing their opinions publicly. I made progress by encouraging asynchronous feedback that I’ll cover next.

Encourage engagement during the meeting

🤝 After the Meeting:  Follow-Up and Feedback

When people feel uncomfortable, it’s very hard to engage them in conversations. I was a very shy kid myself. I understand pushing someone only makes them feel uncomfortable. But I also understand this feeling is rooted in “what if I say something stupid?” This is something we can definitely help fix. 

• 💭 Reflection and Improvement:

I found it very useful when I sent an email summary after the meeting. This will often include what we discussed, any pending items. Another crucial thing for me was to continuously improve the platform. I reached out to individuals asking whether they felt comfortable sharing their ideas.

• 🌟 Appreciation and Recognition:

It is very important to recognize the engagement and appreciate each of them. Giving credits and actively encouraging participation helps you create an open and safe space.

Appreciate and iterate after the meeting

🌟 🔍 Parting Thoughts

I have struggled sharing my opinions in the presence of very senior folks. I feel it’s a leader who can foster an environment of collaboration. Being prescriptive might boost the speed of development at first, but it doesn’t scale. But I also made the mistake of treating silence as a form of agreement, have you? Listening and probing conversations has been a game changer. Try implementing them, and let me know how it goes.

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