How I Upgraded My Conflict Resolution Skills

5 game-changing lessons that transformed my leadership

Are you a leader and felt that:

1. I’m not comfortable having difficult conversations

2. My team seems to resolve things better on their own, do they even need me?

3. I’m drained after mediating conflicts, can I let time resolve the problem?

As a leader, we want to create a conflict free environment. But, in reality with competing interests, that is often not possible. Conflicts can arise within the team, also when working with an external team. But when this happens, a leader needs to step in to resolve and guide a path forward. If not handled properly, fallout from conflicts can become ugly.

Do you feel stressed in such situations? Is your natural instinct telling you to wait and observe?

You’re not alone! Resolving conflicts didn’t come naturally to me either. It wasn’t until I observed a down trend in team morale that I realized I’m missing something.

This post will be divided in 3 parts,

1. Part I: Covering my general framework and approach for resolving conflicts

2. Part II: How to handle conflicts within your team (will post next week)

3. Part III: How to handle conflict between member of your team and external team (following week of Part II)

Image by pikisuperstar on Freepik

Part I

Here’s what I started doing that changed my approach towards conflicts,

🚧 1. Intercept Early

For my personality confrontations were intimidating. The natural outcome was to avoid conflicts. But you can’t hide from it forever. When it eventually came to me, it would be too big and messy. This was my strategy to fix this,

• Look out for conflicts within my team’s realm. It can be as simple as creating an open channel for voicing concerns early.

• Watch for signs of tension. You can look for shifts in communication style, team dynamics and body language.

Being able to catch conflicts early makes a leader’s job easy. It’s in our best interest to stop unnecessary escalations.

💭 2. Be Open Minded

Most conflicts arise due to ego clashes. Whether it’s within the team or with another team’s member, being open to ideas is critical. As a leader it’s important to listen to all perspectives,

• Start with acknowledging the bias. Being aware of how our own experience might shape the conversation is important.

• Invite diverse perspectives. I personally benefit from getting a self-check by discussing with my manager. It can be another peer leader whom you trust.

• Active listening is the key. Confirm your understanding when mediating by summarizing. This will help avoid any confusion.

As a leader, fairness in resolving conflict is your priority. Actively monitor for any bias impacting your decision making. Don’t hesitate to seek help when needed.

🎯 3. Criticize the Idea, not The Person

Humans are naturally good at categorization. We tend to attach labels to people based on our prior engagements. This becomes counterproductive in resolving conflicts. It’s important to avoid deciding beforehand. We need to remind ourselves, people are generally good, ideas might be bad.

• Remind the involved parties that the idea is being debated, not them. Depersonalize the disagreements.

• As a mediator, it’s important to express your own perspective. Use the “I” word, e.g. “I’m worried about the impact of X, because …”. It helps you to be seen as unbiased.

A leader’s word has much more impact than we realize. It’s important to channel any feedback constructively. Sometimes it might be worth back-channeling.

❤️ 4. Focus on Empathy

As a leader there were many instances where I had a clear “winner” in mind. In such situations, you might feel agitated if the conclusion takes time. Spend some time to build understanding and connection.

• Understand the motivation and concern from each point of view. Most of the time they are looking for someone to hear them. Ask the “why do you think that” question.

• Be present, validate their emotions. It’s helpful to acknowledge how each person is feeling. Acknowledge any frustrations or hurt while guiding towards a solution.

I have benefitted from asking people to consider thinking from the other person’s perspective. Our goal is to neutralize the fire, so empathy is very important. Remember, participants are already frustrated.

🤝 5. Foster Compromise

The best outcome of any conflict is a win-win result. Though it is an ideal situation. A lot of time, such outcomes won’t exist. Taking a step back and contextualizing organizational goals help foster compromise.

• Start by highlighting the common goals. Identifying common objectives, guiding resolution in that direction will help get consensus.

• Help each side embrace flexibility. Focus on finding a solution that works for both. In other words, don't take too much from one side.

In my experience, spending some time brainstorming innovative ways to address the needs of both sides has been fruitful. But remember to time-box. A leader sometimes needs to make a hard call.

🌟 🔍 Parting Thoughts

When I first started leading, I dreaded conflicts. I never liked confrontations. Eventually I realized it is a core part of a leader’s job. As I grew, I developed a common strategy that we went over today. Conflict resolution is a very complex topic and can differ based on the situation. In Part II & III of this post, I will cover resolving conflicts within your team and outside the team.

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To be honest, I still fear conflicts. Well not fear, but it’s not my favorite thing. I have seen the negative effects of not being able to handle them properly. I still make mistakes, but using this strategy my conflict management improved a lot. If I can make progress, you can too.

How do you handle conflicts in your workplace? Share in the comments.

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👋💬 Get In Touch

Want to chat? Find me on LinkedIn.

If you want me to cover a particular area of leadership, you can reach out directly on akash@chromium.org. 

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